3 Tips for Addressing Unacceptable Behaviour in the Workplace
by Emily GregoryCrucial Learning Blog
Dear Crucial Skills,
As a nurse manager, how do I tell a master’s-prepared registered nurse that sleeping at their workstation is unprofessional? In many of my previous management jobs, finding an employee sleeping at their workstation was a fire-able offense. In this environment, the employee appears to see no difference between sleeping in a designated break room and sleeping at their workstation.
Signed,
Tiptoeing
Dear Tiptoeing,
You describe a classic gap situation: there is a gap between what you are expecting and what you are observing. It can be helpful to think of accountability conversations in terms of the gap because framing it this way can often take the temperature down a notch in an otherwise frustrating situation.
When I ask people what feeling comes to mind when I use the phrases “talk about a problem” or “address an issue,” the most common response is “ugh,” which isn’t really an emotion, but you probably get the idea. So, first tip: recognize this as a simple gap between what you were expecting and what you are observing. Your job as their manager is to describe the gap and partner with the person to close it. Here are three suggestions for how.
1. Master Your Story
I confess, I told myself a story about your story. My story is that you have drawn a negative conclusion about this person. The telling detail seems to be that this is a “master’s-prepared” nurse. My imagination quickly inserted a “tsk, tsk, they should know better!”
You will be far more effective at holding this conversation if you can suspend judgement. Even if you believe everyone should know that sleeping at the workstation is unprofessional, hold open the possibility that maybe this person was trained or taught differently. Or maybe, just maybe, they slept at their workstation all through school and no one ever got up the courage to give them feedback about it. After all, it is easy to mistake silence for approval.
2. Catch it Early
You don’t indicate how often this is happening. My hope is it has only happened once, maybe twice, because that is the right time to talk about it. Imagine how easy it would be, the first time a new employee falls asleep at their workstation, to gently shake them awake and kindly say, “We want all our nurses to sleep in the breakroom, not their station. Let me show you where it is.” When you catch it early, you are kindly onboarding a new employee and making sure they know what they need to be successful.
When you let the poor behaviour go on for a while without addressing it, two things happen. First, your own irritation likely builds, fueling your negative story. Second, you make the issue bigger. Now it is not just once or twice that this has happened but months’ worth of bad behaviour. When you make the issue bigger through delay, you are more likely to create embarrassment and subsequent defensiveness in the other person.
3. Have and Share a Good Intent
If you use the first two tips it will be much easier to use the third one. Before any gap conversation, stop and ask yourself: what do I really want for this person? For them, not from them. Asking and answering this question will require you to flip your perspective 180 degrees. After all, we step up to gap conversations because the gap is causing a pain or problem for us. We are acutely aware of how their behaviour is impacting us. The question you have to ask is: how is it impacting them?
What do you want for them and how will sharing this help? It can be as simple as, “I want you to be successful here and that is why I want to talk to you about this.”
When you care about someone, and they know you care about them, gap conversations become about improvement not reproof.
Emily
About the Author
Emily is a Crucial Conversations coauthor, dynamic speaker, and consultant. She received a medical degree from the University of Utah and a Master of Business Administration from the Marriott School of Management at Brigham Young University. Her work centres on identifying and teaching behaviours crucial to effective living and leading.
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